Briefs

I have obtained information that I wish I hadn't. I have also experienced something I never anticipated. What I learned about my co-worker, "Briefs," is something that would have been better left unknown. Briefs wears white Fruit of the Looms brief-style underwear. But worse is the new image of Briefs that has been burned into my head. The well groomed and classy dressed professional image has been replaced by a man standing in front of the bathroom sink one card away from losing at strip poker. In nothing but his white Fruit of the Loom briefs he stood looking at his face in the mirror while his clean pressed clothes sat heaped in a pile on the cold tile at his side.

Our bathroom isn't large; it's a two stall/two urinal one door-entry standard build. His white ass was in full view of the outside hallway as I opened the door thinking I was about to enjoy a game of dynamite. In a split second, I processed the view; naked man at the sink and a mystery man rustling in the nearest stall. Being the type of person I am, I didn't want to embarrass or call attention to him. Turning and walking out the door would create future awkward moments with Briefs. Even acting out of the ordinary in any way might draw unnecessary attention to the fact that he's standing naked in the bathroom. So I acted like nothing was unusual. It's a fault of mine. If something funky is going on I should say something. But I didn't. I walked in nonchalantly, nodded to the naked guy, and even threw out a "how's it going," as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I'd always been told you shouldn't stare at people who are different...I guess in that split second I figured naked people fell under that umbrella.

I slipped into the stall behind him and sat on the throne in befuddlement. What the hell was going on? I wondered if I should have just asked, "why are you standing there in your underwear?" instead of ignoring it. Well, suffice it to say, there were no relaxed moments of Pocket PC Gaming that day. I never figured it out. I heard Briefs dress and head out the door. The guy next to me rustled about, flushed, and quickly left. My imagination filled in the blanks in ways I wish it wouldn't. I wonder what the scene would have been had I walked in a few minutes sooner? Argh! I have to stop writing now.